[Leeney]

Wow, Bonnie, when Williamson says, 'Mess and clutter are reflections of a distressed mind,' she sure wasn't talking about you!!! You must be the most peaceful person I know judging from your photos. Oh, and thanks for the visual of you in your towel in the museum!

I haven't done the walking portion of the exercise yet...I think it's 7 degrees here today, and I didn't go to the gym this morning...so I'll probably do it over the next few days. I was thinking of just doing 10 minutes around the track at the gym. I put 'So What' by Pink on my ipod and just replay it. It's not exactly peaceful, more kick butt, but I love walking to it. Makes me feel empowered.

Sare, thanks for the feedback. I was questioning my sanity for a bit! I like your interpretation that it is Spirit. I was afraid to hope that's what it was, but I've got to say I am noticing some beguiling changes in my life since I started doing this, and it's been just over a week.

Monica! Raspberries! As you probably guessed from Lesson #6, they are my favorite. The two things I remember just loving from the garden we had when I was a child are raspberries and asparagus. Still do. My mom also made raspberry jam which we enjoyed all winter. What fond memories.

And I agree with beauty being in the eye of the beholder, and I think we are beautiful at every stage of our lives. My grandmother who died when she was 99 was always busy with her hands. She was a fabulous knitter among other things. My brother took a photo of just her hands when she was in her 90's and still going strong. You could see her life in those hands. You (and I) were lucky to have such wonderful role models.

I'll post the lesson later, but it's very time consuming and I miss just coming on here and chatting.

[Sarah1466]

MonicaC, on 09 February 2011 - 06:21 PM, said:

She was not busy judging others, she was busy loving others. She was ever so helpful and kind.

This is wonderful. If we could all just do this one thing.....just this one.....think of what the world would be.

[Leeney]

I'm back with Lesson #8 Surrender to the Divine. We do this not just to lose weight, but to heal the mind. The appetite originates in the mind, not the body. As an overeater I have used food to try to calm anxiety. It was a roller coaster:

"I'm anxious about...fill in the blank.
I'll eat this bag of chips.
I can't believe I ate those chips.
I wonder what else there is to eat around here.
I feel so sick and so screwed up. I hate myself."
And on and on.

The only way to break the cycle is to go beyond the anxiety to the source of inner peace. Many people turn to God in a crisis, but the smart thing to do is call on him before disaster strikes. 'Divine Mind is not just a comforter but also a preventative measure that helps keep problems at bay.' When I call on the power within me, I'm acknowledging that I can't get rid of my compulsion, but Spirit can. It is the perfection that lies within all things and it will remove my dysfunctional hunger, feed me what I really want...if I ask it.

The exercise: Each day for three days write this in your journal 30 times morning and evening. 'Dear God, please feed my hunger and restore my right mind.' I'm to do this in my own handwriting, not electronically. 'The combination of writing and prayer will have a significant impact on my psyche.' What I'm asking for is to have the craving removed. For me, that's the sense of 'I gotta have it.' God can take that away. So whether I'm eating celery or cookies, I'm to say the prayer, inwardly, whenever I eat. I'm advised to just do it whether I think it's hogwash or not. Pray while I'm eating. See my angel helping me. Prayer will begin the dismantling process.

'Overeating is a battle you wage against yourself; Spirit is the power that saves you from yourself.' Spiritual exercise will work if you do it--just like physical exercise. It requires the mental discipline to put God first. Then it becomes a regular practice and I can use it to maintain a sense of serenity. One day I will go to the refrigerator and look only for what's good for me.

Williamson cautions, 'You cannot ask for Divine help in one area of your life without being willing to surrender every area. It's a willingness to let go of every thought or desire that blocks love from entering you and extending through you.' Every issue is somehow related to our struggle with food.

So, I read the lesson this morning and wrote out the prayer 30 times and will do it again this evening. Here comes the part where I become an abject failure. I've had three mini-meals since then...some sweet potato salad around 11:30, a protein smoothie when I got home around 3:00, and a raw vegetable salad with hummus about 7:00. Not once did I remember the prayer while eating. I thought of it after the first two meals, and I thought of it as I was opening the refrigerator to get out my salad for dinner thinking, 'ok, got ya now...I'm remembering the prayer!' but by the time I dished it out and sat down to eat it...gone. I actually smacked my forehead when I realized what I'd done! I need an angel card with 'memory.'

Gotta end with some good news. My food intake has been amazingly effortless lately. I'm so wrapped up in doing this stuff, that I'm on automatic pilot when it comes to food. I only have good stuff in the house so there's not any temptation, but trust me, if I were into it, I'd find a way to pig out! So hang in there with me gang, this is getting 'interestinger and interestinger.'

[nanacoon]

Monica, So many of my childhood memories are all about the food - I've been a Foodie all my life and I'm sure it will never change. I can tone it down a little, but it will always be with me. My weight loss is just about the same as yours, I joined O.A. last May - June and I'm also at the minus 35 pound mark. I just got my second wind and I'm starting up strong again. Good luck to you, we learn so much here at the Forum. Bonnie

[karolinakat]

I liked this lesson and since i'm stressed to the max at work, I know it definitely makes me reach for the wrong things if I let myself! Takes 30 days to make or break a habit, so you'll get this all going smoothly

[Leeney]

Lesson #9 Inhabit Your Body, like I did when I was a kid, before an accummulation of toxic moments, both personal and cultural, filled my perception with anxiety and shame, and my body became 'like a house I no longer lived in.'

'For some people, dissociation from a healthy sense of their body occurs as a result of a traumatic experience. For others, adolescence itself is traumatic.' What matters is to repair the wounds done to the heart by addressing the pain. 'Rape and molestation of course, have serious consequences, but so does the lesser assault of toxic thought forms.' As I begin to look at my personal history that led to dissociation from my body, I can begin to heal. Williamson says most of us share a psychological crisis that came to a head around puberty. She goes on to make a list of her own personal history stating that our own list may be different from or similar to hers.

Sick thought #1: My body isn't good enough. 'I read Seventeen magazine, so I knew this for sure.' Others had better hair, a sexier body, etc.
Conscious conclusion: My body is ugly; not good enough.
Subconscious conclusion: My body deserves to be punished.

Sick thought #2: My body makes grown-ups uncomfortable, so there must be something wrong with it. Williamson relates how a teacher who had seemed to like her a lot began to get weird around her giving her the feelling that it had something to do with her body. She went back years later to confront her and learned that this teacher was simply reacting to her own disappointment as she watched her own sexuality fade while young girls around her were beginning to blossom.

Conscious conclusion: Grown-ups act strangely around me now that my body has changed.
Subconscious conclusion: My body must be bad.

Sick thought #3: Daddy doesn't want to be around me much anymore.
She goes to sit on Daddy's lap and he makes her get up and go sit someplace else. For most of us there was no one and nothing to guide us through land mines like this. Not usually a lack of love on our parents' part, just their psychological ignorance.

Conscious conclusion: Daddy doesn't treat me like he used to.
Subconscious conclusion: My new body is a bad thing.

Sick thought #4: My body is what attracts love. What we know now is that our bodies attract attention. Our society places great emphasf is on sexual chemistry. 'If I'm sexy enough, he will love me--a tragic error in thinking.'

Conscious conclusion: Sex is fun.
Subconscious conclusion: If I do this enough, I will be loved.

Sick thought #5: My value lies not in my body at all. I am only valuable because of my mind. Many of us bought into the idea that sexual attractiveness reduced women to sex objects. We knew that we had much more to offer, but that doesn't mean that our body has no value! If we deny our body's importance, we increase our dissociation with our physical self.

Conscious conclusion: My sexuality isn't what's important about me.
Subconscious conclusion: My body isn't important.

'Dissociation from the body is when you see yourself here, and your body there. It's the sense that you are somehow separate from your body which is a tragic split from self.

The exercise is to write about my own personal story. Where did things go right and where did they go wrong? Explore how I came to dissociate from my body. This probably won't be easy. If I am honest and complete, I will come to realize, says Williamson, that my issues with eating have little to do with food and everything to do with my thoughts about myself.

Not a lot of time today to do the exercise, so I will do it this weekend.

[Sarah1466]

hum.....this will be a hard one for me to get through....I think they will ALL be hard for me to get through....but, My book came yesterday!!!! YIPPEE!
For anyone that is interested, there is a journal section in the back too.

I have been reading and stewing on these lessons as they are posted, but, as I read at work, I can't REALLY work on them. So, I am going to start working on them (back to #1) this weekend. But, I am going to buy some nice dinnerware too...skipping ahead, I know, but I have actually been thinking about that for some time.

[Leeney]

I think they're getting harder too. These histories and inventories take a lot of time and often bring up uncomfortable feelings and memories. I'm behind a bit in my writing, so I'm going to take a day off this weekend and catch up. I have to do the one you're talking about, Sare, before I do today's which is about consecrating your body. Gotta clean house before I set out in a new direction.

More later.

[Leeney]

Lesson #10 Consecrate Your Body in which we are asked to consecrate our body to be used for holy purposes. ‘Holy purposes are love and love only and whatever is dedicated to the purpose of love is protected from the energy of chaos.’ As I change my mind, I change every cell in my body. Thoughts like ‘I am fat’ are like a command given to the body. There are no neutral thoughts. What is not love is an attack.

With this lesson, I will begin to shift my body identification from a damaged thing to a holy thing. The mind will shift; the body will follow. ‘Your body was created to house your love. In your heart you know this. Your deepest yearning is not just for your body to look good but also to be good.’

In the last lesson I wrote about my past (or will have written) and in this one, I’ll write about the present.

The exercise: Write down the categories of a typical day. 1) Waking up 2) Breakfast 3) Morning activities 4) Lunch 5)
Afternoon activities 6) Dinner 7) Evening activities. Now write two versions of this list. First write down everything I do now during a typical day. What I eat (and how) what I do with my life and how I feel about it, thoughts about other people and so forth. If I am deeply honest I can get a ‘look into the mental control room of my life and observe the way I program my experience.’

Next I‘m to write a second description of my day and this time consciously redesign my life. I’ll describe the day from the perspective of my Higher Mind. Write about the life I choose rather than the one ‘lived powerlessly at the effect of emotional and behavioral patterns.’ Choose to be the real me, a conduit of God’s love, here to extend love. Allow love to dictate my purposes and plans for the day.’

Williamson next gives lengthy, detailed examples of her conscious redesign for each of the categories.

As I write a positive description of my life, I’m creating a possibility that did not exist before. ‘Do not underestimate the power of your mind to reprogram your experience.’ A new way of eating can only be created within the context of a new way of being.’

In doing this exercise, I’m asked to see the gap between the fear present in my current life and the love that could be, to recognize how often my thoughts are weak and almost sure to produce dysfunction.

A prayer from this lesson that I liked: ‘I eat in a way that supports my service to love.’

[Leeney]

Just an update. I finally got around to doing the exercises for lessons 9 & 10. Nine was hard to do emotionally. I wrote about four or five pages of history, some of it painful, but it's good to get it out. Then ten was a gift! I felt such hope in writing out how I could go through a typical day.

Another lesson tomorrow.

Wow! I just finished typing this and turned on the recording I'd made of Friday's Dr. Oz show and he's doing what I just did for lesson nine. Really poignant stories.

This post has been edited by Leeney: 12 February 2011 - 10:11 PM

[Leeney]

Lesson #11 Ritualize the Change in You. 'Relationships,' says Williamson, 'are assignments made by a loving universe, giving everyone involved the opportunity for soul growth.' This lesson is about finding a living example to look to, an Inspirer. This person could be someone who demonstrates a way of being with food and with his/her body that you can learn from. Her presence demonstrates what's possible.

Another person you will need to find is a Permitter. This is a person who has the experience of 'food hell' just like you. His/her role is to give you emotional permission to break free of old eating patterns and say 'no' to dysfunctional situations or people.

Once you have identified these people in your life, you will ask them to participate in a personal ceremony that marks the beginning of a new way of life for you. Williamson says if you can't come up with any possible members of your initiation team right now, that's ok. 'Just allow the desire to find them live in your heart. Let the spirit within you guide the process.' What we are in the process of doing here is aligning ourselves to a more natural flow of things. The universe supports us in our path toward healing because it is an expression of Divine love.

The exercise: This is a ritual ceremony to affirm the change in you and includes you, your Inspirer and your Permitter. Williamson gives an example of a format that could be used but says each person is free to say what is in her heart. We make it clear to our friends that nothing is required of them other than their participation in the ceremony and continued good will.'

I had a real strong, 'No Way!' reaction to this lesson. First of all, I don't know anyone who could be my Inspirer. Nobody I know eats like I do..ok, maybe one person, but she's just getting started. But maybe it's not what they eat, but how they eat and their relationship to food. Besides, maybe I need to look for a person whose spiritual relationship with food I'd like to emulate. OK, I'll consider this. The Permitter will probably be easier to come up with; a few people come to mind. But then I can't see me doing this ceremony with other people. Well, I'm reassured that I don't have to jump into this one but can just let the desire fester within me. We'll see.

[Leeney]

More than half way there!

Lesson #12 Commit to Yourself. 'Overeating is a moment of self-betrayal, and anything but a commitment to one's own well-being. Your relationship to food is a reflection of your relationship to yourself.' I might be committed to eating well 23 hours and 45 minutes during the day, but ruin my efforts with 15 minutes of binging. Like today. (See Feb. Challenge thread) Williamson says 'Whenever the mind is not filled with love, it has the propensity for insanity.' In this lesson we learn to stand up for ourselves.

My parents didn't do a perfect job of raising me and I'm sure I carry scars from my past, but as I learn to re-establish the Divine connection, I move from weakening thoughts to strengthening thoughts, and learn to be there for myself. I won't want to behave self-destructively. Once I commit to myself, committing to right eating will come naturally. Williamson thinks that somewhere along the line our creative passion and energy was blocked and took the form of self-destructive patterns. But that can be corrected.

The exercise: I will use my journal to learn to support and commit to myself. I'll begin by dialoguing with myself, 'asking and receiving the truth of what I think and how I feel.

1) You to self: What are your thoughts?
This shows that we value our thoughts. If I don't listen to myself, I can't hear God's voice within. If I don't listen to myself, I program my body to stop listening to itself and then all hell breaks loose! So morning and evening I will write my thoughts of the day. Whatever thoughts I remember I will write down and bear witness to them. I speak; God listens. My thoughts aren't good or bad, they just are.

2) You to self: I forgive you for your mistakes.
I need to show compassion for myself. My cycle is that I make a mistake (overeat) and go into self-hate and despair which fuels more overeating. I need to learn to say 'oops' and move on. So in my journal pages I will write down what I feel are mistakes and then surrender them. I will explore the feelings of remorse and self-forgiveness.

3) You to self: I think your dreams are important.
'A healthy person is constantly dreaming up the next best thing...from what video to watch, to whom to call on the phone, to where it would be fun to go this weekend.' If I'm not listening to myself I won't get to acknowledge and actualize those dreams. So in my journal pages I will write down my true dreams, what I really long for. From going to Paris, to being beautiful, to writing a book...whatever is my heart's desire. God loves my dreams.

Williamson recommends writing morning and evening. It's am important tool for cultivating our highest self. Knowing me, I'll feel successful if I do it daily. I did my journal writing for today and it was quite productive. I like the format of writing down thoughts, mistakes and dreams and will use that for a while. I'm sure other stuff will come up...we deal with feeligs tomorrow...but this is a good place to begin.

[Leeney]

Lesson #13 Feel Your Feelings. ‘We’ve established that the subconscious force of food compulsion is made up of unprocessed feelings. The only way to remove the weight of unprocessed feelings is to allow yourself to actually feel them.’ If while growing up I felt unsafe for any reason to express my feelings, I may now have trouble giving all my feelings to God.
‘Feelings not acknowledged cannot be fully felt.’ Many of us have learned to discount our feelings before they can even be fully formed. We suppress them and are afraid to trust their wisdom. We didn’t even know they had wisdom. But they do; they’re part of the human psyche. They are messages designed to be felt, processed and learned from.

So we may have learned to cope by numbing our feelings and guarding against everything. We may try to keep emotions at bay by eating and in doing so we create a whole slew of emotions and begin a vicious cycle. Our task is to give our feelings to God.

Our craving for food, Williamson says, ‘is an emotional temper tantrum, as a part of you that feels unheard is demanding to be heard and will be heard.’ We can choose to feel our emotions or give in to the demand to numb our pain and eat.’
Spiritual mastery of this emotional slavery is built on surrender of self-will. Divine Mind can take the painful emotion from us by changing the thoughts that produced it. ‘First, feel the feeling; then feel whatever pain might arise from it. Then pray to learn whatever lesson it can teach. Then seek to forgive; and at last, the grace of God is given to you.’ We emerge from the experience no longer suffering.

Williamson says that we may be afraid of our feelings the way we are afraid of food: that once we start, we may never stop. But feelings are only out of control when they’re not handed over for Divine resolution. The same is true with our food appetites. ‘Feelings when handled appropriately become stations on the way to grace.’ So feeling overwhelmed is an opportunity to place our situation in Divine hands and surrender it.

The exercise: Create a God box. It should be beautiful since it will be put on the altar and given to God. Next, Williamson suggests we write down some sentences…from God to us. For example:
‘Give me your pain, and I will take it from you’—God
‘Place all of this in my hands’—God
And any others you can think of or add from other spiritual sources. Our job is to continue to review our emotions, feel them, write them down, and give them to God. We can use our journals to describe and explore feelings. Then go to our God box and pick out a saying at random. It will tell you what you need to hear.

I wrote out about eight slips of paper with a message from God on each one. I haven’t used one yet, but they’re ready and waiting. I’m sure I will add to them as need or occasion arises. I remember doing something like this before, but in that God box I would put things I wanted to turn over to God. I think I’ll like getting these messages as needed.

Have I scared everybody away?

[Sarah1466]

Wow.....
I just can't go that fast!
And....I have had a miserably busy 3 days....ARG!

[karolinakat]

Leeney, on 15 February 2011 - 11:20 PM, said:

Have I scared everybody away?

Great idea

[Leeney]

Lesson #14 Allow the Pain. Don’tcha just love a lesson that starts like this??? ‘A mature person knows that on some days things simply feel rotten, and that is okay.’ This lesson is about the emotional detoxification that accompanies serious weight loss. Feelings that have been denied or repressed begin to emerge in order to be released. Williamson suggests that ‘If you remove the fat tissue but do not remove its psychic cause’ it will in time come back. It’s not enough to lose the weight; we need to lose the emotional weight lurking behind it.

Any pain, frustration, or challenge that we may face carries important information for us. It offers us a chance to examine important issues in our lives. This is not a time to isolate but to reach out to at least one other person who might understand.

In this lesson we are encouraged to make space in our lives for all of our feelings; especially the painful ones that we may have repressed and which now arise, and honor them. We don’t need to fix pain; just feel it and it will pass.

The exercise: Williamson asks us to look to art and to choose three selections—poems, movies, novels, pictures, etc.—that speak to us of the experience of deep sorrow. Place them on our altar and commit to reading or viewing them. ‘In honoring them, we honor our own tears in a way that releases rather than suppresses them. Such is the value of art.’

This one may take some time to come up with, but I immediately thought of a bronze bust Rodin did of his wife that I saw once at the Cleveland Museum of Art. For some reason, I just stood in front of it and bawled. It just touched me so deeply. Although it won’t be the same experience, I think I can find an image of it to use. I’ll have to think about the others.

[Leeney]

Quote

I just can't go that fast!

Sare, no need to try to keep up! The only reason I'm racing through these lessons like a madwoman is that it's a library book and it's one of those that I can't renew! If left to my own devices, I'd go much more slowly and thoughtfully and let each lesson sink in before doing the next one. Fortunately, I have all my notes in my journal, so when I return the book I can go back and pay attention to those areas where I feel drawn.

You've got you hands full. Be gentle with yourself.

[Leeney]

Lesson #15 Exit the Alone Zone. Williamson begins by stating that 'Overeating is not a food issue, but a relationship issue.' Our extra weight is a physical wall that on some level represents our emotional unavailability to others. This emotional wall consists of behaviour patterns that have kept us separate from others.

This lesson focuses on our relationships with other people. Williamson calls the frozen place in us where our compulsion lies, the 'alone zone,' and says that reaching across it is essential to our healing. I know that I tend tp isolate and Williamson says, 'in isolation you feel permission to self-destruct. No one is there to say "Don't do that." When you are alone with the compulsion, you have no power to resist.' It's like being alone with a crazy person.

Reaching out to other people carries Divine power which calms and heals us by releasing calming chemicals in the brain. 'Reaching out to others is an integral part of our healing, just as isolation is part of our disease.' We need to dismantle this patterns of isolation that separates us from others. Yes, we may already have wonderful relationships, but what we need to cultivate is reaching out at the moment of our isolation--when the food crazies strike--and connecting with another. It could be a phone call to a friend to say 'I'm having a hard time and just need to talk,' or it might be an offer to help someone else. To heal, we need to make our love and our needs know to others. This healing is a lifelong journey.

The exercise: First, make a list in your journal of things you could do to increase your connection to other people. Maybe an activity or maybe just a shift in attitude. Then in your daily journal pages, note where you let others in that day and where you kept them out.

I did my list and I know this is going to be tough for me. I am a very helpful person, but when it comes to asking for what I may need, I'm not so good at that. I think that by cultivating a willingness to change in a particular direction, I might open the door to that change actually happening.

[karolinakat]

Leeney, on 18 February 2011 - 12:27 AM, said:

I did my list and I know this is going to be tough for me. I am a very helpful person, but when it comes to asking for what I may need, I'm not so good at that. I think that by cultivating a willingness to change in a particular direction, I might open the door to that change actually happening.

I think this is typically hard for women, as we are the caregivers 99% of the time!

[Kaylagal]

I am reading all these Leeney. Now I know why you are going through these quickly (library book). However, this is a lot of weighty material so I have to go much slower.

This last one so resounds with me. I have done the isolation bit for quite some time now. I used to be a very social person. Now I am more content with just myself and have found the rounder I got the less social I became. Oh what a piece of work I am!!!! It will take a bulldozer to tear down the walls I have built up.

Rhonda