[Sarah1466]

this is my new thread. This is the new me. I am not a newbie anymore.....and I have changed quite a bit. Let's talk here instead.

[Leeney]

Bout time! You haven't been a newbie in a long time. Sorry to hear about the relationship issues. I agree with Kat that dissolving a relationship can be more painful than losing someone through death. I know that you know that there is a way to come to peace with this. Just takes time and dealing with whatever feelings come your way...basically, the grieving process. You're a strong, healthy, beautiful woman, Sare. Love yourself through this and lean on your friends.

[MonicaC]

New Sarah, this is a nice new thread which you can paint your new trails on. As we grow and change we will leave relationships and relationships will leave us. It is part of this process. Sarah you have everything to be happy, choose what is best for you and you are healthier now as you have honored your body to make better choices. I think you are special so be good to yourself. Love and extra light around you.

[MonicaC]

New Sarah, this is a nice new thread which you can paint your new trails on. As we grow and change we will leave relationships and relationships will leave us. It is part of this process. Sarah you have everything to be happy, choose what is best for you and you are healthier now as you have honored your body to make better choices. I think you are special so be good to yourself. Love and extra light around you.

[Sarah1466]

Thanks guys. It has been really rough....mostly because i am doing what is right in my head....my heart is so so so not at this place.......ug

[karolinakat]

Sarah1466, on 09 May 2011 - 04:27 AM, said:

Thanks guys. It has been really rough....mostly because i am doing what is right in my head....my heart is so so so not at this place.......ug

Head and heart rarely align, which really sucks! But you'll get there, be nice to yourself and take your time.

[Sarah1466]

You are right Kat, i don't know that I ever have them in alignment unless it is something warm and fuzzy (which this, decidedly, is not).
Thank you Monica and Leeney for your support. I know I will get through it........but with a great big scar.....
if I can't eat Salt.....at least there is a great big gaping wound to pour some into.
(not that anyone would do that necessarily...but sometimes, when it is something that you yourself are not experiencing, sometimes it is easy to minimize) AND that is NOT pointed to ANYONE here! I love you guys and you are all very supportive! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
EDIT to say...wow....my BMI is under 25! Holy Cow! I am officially HEALTHY! Hahaha....forget everything I said above! I am HEALTHY! HA! (perhaps this belongs in the sarcasm thread, Leeney?)

[Brand_New_Day]

Congrats on the BMI! As they say, without your health there really isn't anything else. After watching my father's health decline in the months before his death, I've got to say, "they" are right.

Great job!

Beth

[Leeney]

Minimizing!!! Oh, how I hate that! As if what we are going through is not important and we should paint a smile on our faces and think happy thoughts! Oooops...I sense a rant coming on.

Way to go on the BMI! Life is so funny...knocks you down, picks you up...

[Sarah1466]

And....at church on Sunday, my mom said I was too skinny, and to stop losing weight! Well, I am a size 10-12ish.....I am not too skinny....people just aren't used to it. So, that was like.....can I do anything right?

[karolinakat]

Sarah1466, on 10 May 2011 - 01:17 PM, said:

And....at church on Sunday, my mom said I was too skinny, and to stop losing weight! Well, I am a size 10-12ish.....I am not too skinny....people just aren't used to it. So, that was like.....can I do anything right?

Mom was complimenting you but you know how annoying moms can be lol. And if you are like my mom and bro, they get to a certain weight and look sickly as they have really high cheek bones and they look skeletal if they get too thin. Too thin? I think most of us think that will NEVER happen, but then you see those poor anorexic gals and I suddenly think a little extra weight is not so bad.

It is hard to be a good empathiser (spelling?) for most people, thus the minimizing occurs. I think some do it because they think it helps others to realize their issue is not the end of the world (wrong tactic!), others because they want the attention on them (even more wrong) and some trying to make you feel better (still wrong but at least done for the right reasons!) But in reality at that moment in time that issue IS the center of your world and no one should try to change that, just listen really, and be there for you. But we are human and rarely get it right

Congrats on the healthy BMI, I hope someday to be there too

[Leeney]

Well said, Kat!

[karolinakat]

Leeney, on 11 May 2011 - 10:32 AM, said:

Well said, Kat!

Thank you kindly, Ms Leeney

[Sarah1466]

Thanks Kat. I needed that.

yesterday was a little binge-y. I know this doesn't seem bad, but I have been so austere trying to finish! 2 oreos, 2 small slices (think 5 bites each) of pizza w cheese (after my dinner!) the last two pieces of Easter chocolate. And I felt horrible.....TOM started on Tuesday....just to add to my misery! I think I am up about 3 pounds or so..........but I am not going to check....but, I can feel it. You know what I mean. Skin isn't quite as saggy as before.
Still (and will be for a long time) working through emotions.....yesterday was a ROLLER COASTER!
Thanks for still being here everyone.

[Sarah1466]

last night.....lightly salted nuts x4 ounces I think. About half the can.
WTG!
2 oreos. I find that making lunches for the kids in the mornings (which I do the night before) is very difficult. It is a task that the BF and I used to split (so I wouldn't eat snacks!) I would do the sandwiches and he would do the cheese-its and other snacks. So....I need my BF back to help with lunches! (among other things.....) this is so hard!

[Leeney]

Sare, can the kids help? Maybe pack the snacks themselves?

[Sarah1466]

Yup...they are going to start this week.
I am not going to beat myself up over last week's eating choices. (see, I had typed mistakes, but erased that for the more appropriate wording...choices.)
Life is life....I have 50 years left to live....(or so).....so.....one week is not going to kill me.....as long as I can regain my focus. Which, I believe I have.
Transitions happen. And, despite my best efforts, I am not perfect (only God is perfect)....and I need to be more kind and gentle with myself....and accept my humanness.
Happy rainy 42 degree Monday to you all.
Sarah

[Cattrix]

Sarah1466, on 10 May 2011 - 01:17 PM, said:

And....at church on Sunday, my mom said I was too skinny, and to stop losing weight! Well, I am a size 10-12ish.....I am not too skinny....people just aren't used to it. So, that was like.....can I do anything right?

Hi Sarah,

I'm a come back oldie that is starting out again.

Comment on this what you said up there. I've had to deal with that a lot. The can't do anything right scenario, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

It's crappy.

I hope you have a better week and put all the non good choices behind you.

Hugs.

Cat

[Leeney]

Love it! A new kinder, gentler Sarah! ...at least to yourself! Don't lose your edge, sweetie

[Sarah1466]

Hi Cat, nice to meet you! Sorry you are back, but glad you are back too!

It is good to know that people have confidence in this way of eating enough to recognize it is the way for them, and "It works when you work it".

Leeney, it is a moment by moment struggle sometimes to think of me. I am so accustomed to (since early childhood) making other people happy. I have always always always put the needs of others in front of the needs of myself. As a parent, I continue to do that (especially with Ruby).

The problem is, when I make a decision or voice my opinion with MY needs, I feel guilty! I feel bad asking others to do something for me. It is like, I am hardwired to not do that.

One more bad night behind me. It is really just the nights....I do so well through the day......not having BF there......I loose all resolve. This would have been the time in the past when I smoked more....in the evenings. So, I am not going to buy cigs. I haven't smoked in nearly 8 years.....not about to start THAT again! Funny, if I look at a box of cigs I know all the bad things associated with that....look at a pile of oreos and chocolate....."know" in my head all the bad things........just don't give a sh** right now. Dang.